OH, Sandusky!!! Fantasy Football — Est. 2017
Est. MMXVIIWeek 7

The Sandusky Tribune

The Official Record of OH, Sandusky!!! — Printed Under the Watchful Eye of Jerry Sandusky

Vol. X, No. XIITuesday, October 27, 2026 · Brigham City, UtahPrice: Free, as is the FAAB

Kyle Wins by 97 With the Most Points Through Seven Weeks Ever · Drake Benches the Winning Points Again and Is Last · Thomas Starts the Right Quarterback

Week 7 Final Scores

Each score jumps to its game report
The Lucky / Good Matrix · Through Week 7

Second Place on LinkedIn, Seventh in the Standings: Jordan Scores 74 and Loses by 97

Jordan Israelsen signed a quarterback on Wednesday, cut a running back who ran for a hundred yards and a touchdown for nobody, left two Jameson Williams touchdowns and a 124-yard Cam Skattebo on his bench, scored 74.32, and lost to Kyle 171.18 to 74.32, the fifth-largest margin in league history, in the same week his Patriots lost to a quarterback on Carl’s bench. Kyle set a perfect lineup by owning almost nobody who played, has the most points through seven weeks anyone has ever had, and paid forty dollars for three catches. Drake is in last place. Thomas Lei is in second, with the right quarterback. Dite benched 81.

Across: luck Δ, your real win % minus your all-play win %, so right of center means the schedule did you favors. Up: all-play win %, how often your score would have beaten the field. Dashed lines mark break-even luck and a .500 all-play record.

Biggest mover: Thomas, from 4th to 2nd in all-play.

Jordan finished second in a LinkedIn contest this month, for fifteen hundred dollars and a grievance about the follower handicap, and he is second on the only Coaches Poll ballot filed this week, and he is seventh in the standings, and this was the week the league explained the gap. His career epigraph on the league site is a question, Pats run the division?, and on Thursday night New England lost at Chicago to Caleb Williams, who threw for 308 yards on Carl’s bench. On Sunday Jordan scored 74.32, the lowest total in the league this week and the third-lowest of his career, and lost to Kyle by 96.86, which is the fifth-largest margin in the ten years of the league and the second-largest this month, both of them Kyle’s. Josh Allen was on bye, so on Wednesday Jordan signed C.J. Stroud and cut Emanuel Wilson to do it; Stroud threw for 153 yards, 16.52, and Wilson ran for 100 and a touchdown for Seattle on Sunday night, for nobody. Jameson Williams caught two touchdowns against Green Bay, 26.1, on Jordan’s bench. Cam Skattebo ran for 124 and a touchdown, 19.1, on Jordan’s bench. Nico Collins caught two passes for six yards in the lineup, and Denzel Boston, whose promotion cost Jordan the Week 6 game, caught three for 27 in the lineup, and the Jets defense, signed Wednesday, allowed 28 to Malik Willis and scored nothing. Late on Saturday night Jordan moved DeVonta Smith to injured reserve, and Boston in, so the one call the Tribune flagged last week was made again with the other man unavailable to be benched. His best lineup was 116.82. It loses by 54.

He is 2–5, which no team with 905.08 points has ever been; the previous most by a 2–5 team was 898.92, Kyle’s, in 2020, and Kyle finished that season last. Jordan is third in the league in points and seventh in the standings and has allowed 1005.54, the most in the league, because he has played Kyle, Dite, Mitch, Drake and Carl in the weeks they scored, and he goes to Mitch next in the Battle of the Bandwagons, the second meeting of the league’s two Patriots fans, a week after both their Patriots lost. The ballot that has him second is Dite’s. Kyle, for the record, scored 171.18 with a bench of 2.8, because LaPorta caught one pass and everyone else on it was on bye, which the template calls a perfect lineup and the paper calls a schedule. Joe Burrow threw four touchdowns at Baltimore, Jaxon Smith-Njigba caught nine for 150 and a score against the Chiefs, Trey McBride caught ten for 111 and a score, Amon-Ra St. Brown caught nine for 153, Bucky Irving ran for two touchdowns, and Germie Bernard, claimed Wednesday for forty dollars, the largest bid of the season, over four other men who bid 37 between them, caught three passes for 27 yards. Kyle is 6–1 on 1086.62 points, the most through seven weeks in league history, 31 more than his own 7–0 team of 2018 had, and 41–8 against the field. He owns the four best scores of the season and has scored 170 or more four times, which ties the single-season record, also his, in Week 7.

Drake is in last place. He was ranked first in August, by himself, and he is 2–5 in October, the worst start of his career, shared with 2021 and 2025, and he got there on Monday night, leading Mitch 121.92 to 99.02 with Brandon Aubrey against Dallas Goedert and Javonte Williams. Aubrey made three field goals and three extra points, 14.0. Williams ran for 155 and a touchdown, 21.5, and Goedert caught five for 48, 9.8, and Mitch won 130.32 to 121.92. The points to win were on Drake’s bench for the third time this season: Omar Cooper, claimed Wednesday for nothing, caught five for 115 and a touchdown for the Jets, 22.5, behind Michael Wilson’s 10.6 and Justin Jefferson’s 8.4. Start Cooper over either and the Emporium is 3–4. Drake has the fifth-most points in the league and the fifth-best all-play record and is eighth in the standings, which is what the matrix is for, and his rankings desk has been dark since Week 3, so the Tribune cannot report where he has himself this week. Mitch got there by claiming Jared Goff for eight dollars, a week after Carl cut Goff for being on bye, and cutting Dak Prescott to make room; Goff beat the Packers, 18.02, and Dak threw three touchdowns on Monday night for nobody. Goedert, five dollars, is the latest tight end in a slot that had produced 30.4 points in six weeks. Mitch is 3–4 and has beaten Drake in Week 7 two years running; the series is 8–8.

Thomas Lea is 5–2 and alone in second, which is the best seven-week start in the ten-year history of the franchise, and he did it with the right quarterback, which took until Week 7. On Sunday morning he moved Tyler Shough back in and Patrick Mahomes out; Shough threw for 278 in Paris, 13.82, and Mahomes threw for 165 and no touchdowns in a 20–3 loss at Seattle, 6.0, so the ledger reads wrong by eight, wrong by one, no choice, wrong by sixteen, right by 7.82. Tony Pollard, whom Kyle cut in October, ran for 129 and three touchdowns, 36.5, the best running back score in the league this week. Tee Higgins caught six for 148 and a touchdown in the flex. CeeDee Lamb caught two touchdowns on Monday night. Thomas beat Dite 152.92 to 105.50, and Dite, who had won four in a row, left 81.2 points on his bench, the most in the league this week: Quinshon Judkins ran for 96 and two touchdowns behind Matthew Golden’s six catches for 39 in the flex, Blake Corum, Jaylen Warren and Devaughn Vele scored 50.2 between them behind Jalen Coker’s one catch for nine, and his best lineup, 133.50, loses by 19 anyway. Dite has now benched 466.8 points this season, which passed Kyle for the most in the league, and the two of them are 10–4. Dite’s Wednesday waivers: five claims, two landed, both free, one of them a Texans defense that scored zero. He is 4–3 and still Lucky and Good, by 4.1 points of luck, which a 47-point loss did not spend. Thomas, 5–2, second place, 865.52 points, is Lucky and Good with 14.3 points of luck, the most in the league, which is a matter the Tribune has referred to Thomas.

Cliff beat Carl 120.14 to 106.46 with a tight end he signed on Sunday morning, T.J. Hockenson, who caught a touchdown over Travis Kelce, and a running back he benched before the early games, Woody Marks, for Braelon Allen, who ran for 104; Cliff has now signed Marks twice, signed Hockenson twice and cut David Montgomery twice in eleven days, and this was the week the music stopped with the right men sitting. Drake Maye threw for 321 and three scores on Thursday night, 27.44. Carl had a lineup that beats Cliff by 25 and did not use it, for the first time this season: Caleb Williams, 22.12, sat behind Jordan Love for the second week in a row; Ollie Gordon, 17.3, was moved out on Sunday for Saquon Barkley; George Pickens, 15.7, sat behind Garrett Wilson’s two catches; and the Seahawks defense, which Carl drafted, which won the Super Bowl, and which held Kansas City to three points, scored 9 on the bench because Carl had signed the Titans defense on Thursday night and started it, and the Titans allowed 491 yards and scored 0. Three starting defenses scored zero this week, Carl’s, Jordan’s and Dite’s, and Thomas’s Packers scored 2, and the Tribune, which once ran a Defense Desk, has closed it. Everybody but Kyle and Thomas is 4–3, 3–4 or 2–5. The Moth went 2–2 and picked against himself for the second time, and was wrong this time, which is the better outcome.

The Four Games

The Moth Observer2–2 this week · 16–12 seasonRead the column →

RLE Memorial vs. Chubby Chasers

Thomas Starts the Right Quarterback at Last, Tony Pollard Scores Three Touchdowns, and Dite Leaves 81 Points on the Bench

Thomas152.92
Dite105.50
Top scorers

Thomas T. Pollard 36.5 · T. Higgins 26.8

Dite D. London 19.6 · K. Williams 18.1

Left on the bench

Thomas 10.9 pts · best: R. Stevenson 22.5

Dite 28.0 pts · best: Q. Judkins 23.4

The matrix

Thomas Lucky & Good

Dite Unlucky & Bad

Moth’s pick

Took DiteMiss

Full lineups →

Thomas Lei beat Dite 152.92 to 105.50 in the first meeting of the two 4–2 teams and is 5–2, alone in second place, which is the best start through seven weeks in the ten-season history of the franchise; Rob never did better than 4–3. Dite is 4–3 after four straight wins, second in the league in points, and first in the league in points left on the bench, a title he took from Kyle on Sunday. Thomas leads the series 1–0.

The score was built on a running back and a quarterback decision. Tony Pollard, whom Kyle cut in October and Thomas signed three days later, ran 25 times for 129 yards and three touchdowns and caught three for 26 in the Titans’ 27–24 loss to Cleveland, 36.5, the best running back score in the league this week and the fourth-best of the season. Tee Higgins caught six for 148 and a touchdown in Cincinnati’s win at Baltimore, 26.8, in the flex, where Thomas had moved him on Thursday ahead of Rhamondre Stevenson, who caught five for 93 and a touchdown on Thursday night, 22.5, on the bench, which makes the call right by four. CeeDee Lamb caught five of twelve targets for 74 and two touchdowns on Monday night, 24.4. Jonathan Taylor ran for 95 and a touchdown, 19.0. George Kittle caught eight for 88 and lost a fumble, 14.8. Chris Olave 11.6. On Sunday morning Thomas moved Tyler Shough back into the lineup and Patrick Mahomes to the bench; Shough completed 30 of 38 for 278 yards, a touchdown and an interception in the Saints’ loss to Pittsburgh in Paris, 13.82, and Mahomes completed 19 of 33 for 165 with no touchdowns and a pick in Kansas City’s 20–3 loss at Seattle, 6.0. The quarterback ledger, for the record: wrong by eight in Week 3, wrong by one in Week 4, no choice in Week 5, wrong by sixteen in Week 6, right by 7.82 in Week 7. Trey Smack made one of three field goals in a game the Packers lost by three, 4.0. The Packers defense, signed Thursday after Thomas cut the Rams defense, allowed 20 and 415 yards and scored 2.0; it is the fifth defense he has started this season. His best lineup was 163.82.

Dite scored 105.50 and left 81.2 on the bench, the most in the league this week and his high for the season. Quinshon Judkins ran 17 times for 96 yards and two touchdowns in Cleveland’s win at Tennessee, 23.4, on the bench. Blake Corum ran for 93 and a touchdown, 17.1, on the bench. Jaylen Warren ran for 101 and caught three for 36 in Paris, 16.7, on the bench. Devaughn Vele caught a touchdown, 16.4, on the bench. DK Metcalf 7.6. The flex went to Matthew Golden, who caught six of twelve targets for 39 yards, 9.9, and the second receiver slot to Jalen Coker, who caught one pass for nine in Carolina’s 43–13 loss, 1.9. The lineup was otherwise fine: Drake London caught seven for 66 and a touchdown in Atlanta’s win over San Francisco, 19.6; Kyren Williams ran for 99 and a touchdown with a lost fumble, 18.1; Matthew Stafford threw three touchdowns to set the Rams’ franchise record, 17.5; Bijan Robinson ran for 63 and caught five for 59, 17.2; Brock Bowers caught six for 73, 13.3. Matt Gay, claimed Wednesday for nothing after Dite cut Tyler Bass, the kicker he had cut Travis Kelce for seven days earlier, made three of four, 8.0. The Texans defense, claimed Wednesday for nothing after he cut the six-dollar Patriots defense, allowed 27 to the Giants in overtime and scored 0. His best lineup was 133.50, which still loses by 19, so the bench is a decoration this week and not a cause.

Dite made five waiver claims on Wednesday and two went through, both free. He bid nothing on Jared Goff with Stafford as the cut, and Mitch got Goff for eight; he bid three on Will Reichard, and Jordan got him for five; the Jets defense went to Jordan; a Titans defense claim failed because the Patriots cut had already been used by the Texans claim. He has now benched 466.8 points this season, 22.8 more than Kyle, and the two men are a combined 10–4, so the Tribune will not pretend it is a problem. He is 26–23 against the field, has allowed 895.48, and is still Lucky and Good, by 4.1 points of luck, which a 47-point loss did not spend.

Thomas is 28–21 against the field on 865.52 points, the fourth-fewest ever by a 5–2 team, and the matrix lists him in Lucky and Good, in second place, with 14.3 points of luck, the most in the league, which is a matter the Tribune has referred to Thomas. The Moth picked Dite, writing that Dite’s projection was crazy again and that Thomas was also really good, and was half right. Thomas plays Carl next, whom he beat in Week 1. Dite plays Drake in the War Crimes Cup, 9–9, the two men who share an employer and now share a bench problem, except that Drake’s lost him the game.

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Clan of Combs vs. Emporium

Mitch Cuts Dak Prescott for Jared Goff and Wins on Monday Night; Drake Benches the Winning Points for the Third Time and Is in Last Place

Mitch130.32
Drake121.92
Top scorers

Mitch L. Burden 23.7 · P. Nacua 21.8

Drake Z. Flowers 27.7 · C. McCaffrey 22.0

Left on the bench

Mitch 14.2 pts · best: J. Jacobs 20.1

Drake 14.1 pts · best: O. Cooper 22.5

Drake’s best lineup wins this game.

The matrix

Mitch Lucky & Good

Drake Unlucky & Good

Moth’s pick

Took DrakeMiss

Full lineups →

Mitch beat Drake 130.32 to 121.92 on Monday night, when Javonte Williams ran 25 times for 155 yards and a touchdown in the Cowboys’ 38–21 win at Philadelphia, 21.5, and Dallas Goedert caught five for 48 in the same game, 9.8, against Brandon Aubrey’s three field goals and three extra points for Drake, 14.0. Mitch had needed the two of them to outscore the kicker by 8.90 and they outscored him by 17.3. Mitch is 3–4. Drake is 2–5, the worst start of his career, tied with 2021 and 2025, and in last place on points behind Jordan, with the fifth-most points in the league and the fifth-best all-play record, which is the kind of last place the matrix was built to explain. The series is 8–8.

Drake had the winning lineup and did not use it, for the third time this season. Omar Cooper, claimed on Wednesday for nothing, caught five passes for 115 yards and a touchdown in the Jets’ loss to Miami, 22.5, on the bench, behind Michael Wilson, 10.6, and Justin Jefferson, who caught four for 44 in the Vikings’ 16–10 win over Indianapolis, 8.4. Start Cooper over either man and Drake wins. His best lineup was 136.02; the lineup that lost had Zay Flowers catching eight for 137 and a touchdown in Baltimore’s 35–13 loss to Cincinnati, 27.7, Christian McCaffrey scoring a touchdown and catching six for 61 in the 49ers’ first loss, 22.0, the Vikings defense holding the Colts to ten, 11, Brock Purdy throwing two interceptions in Atlanta, 12.02, and Michael Mayer, signed Thursday to play tight end, catching three for 32, 6.2. Chuba Hubbard 10.0. Drake has now lost in Weeks 2, 3 and 7 with the points to win on his bench, and has lost two more in which no lineup would have saved him, and he has one win in seven weeks against a team other than Jordan.

His transaction week was the usual volume. Tuesday he cut the Ravens defense, Terry McLaurin and Pat Freiermuth. Wednesday he claimed Cooper and Tyreek Hill, the Hill he drafted at pick 116 in August and cut in Week 5, and on Thursday he cut Hill for Mayer and claimed Ladd McConkey for nothing, two days after Kyle cut him; Drake had traded McConkey to Kyle in September. On Wednesday evening he made seven lineup moves in one minute, moving Rashee Rice in and out and Hubbard and McCaffrey between slots, and ended where he began. Both claims were free, so he has still spent 78 dollars, the most in the league, and his rankings desk has not been loaded since Week 3, so the Tribune cannot say where he ranks himself; in August it was first.

Mitch’s week was a quarterback swap that worked on Sunday and nearly cost him Monday. On Wednesday he claimed Jared Goff for eight dollars, a week after Carl cut Goff because Goff was on bye, and cut Dak Prescott to make the room. Goff completed 22 of 32 for 303 yards and two touchdowns in Detroit’s 20–17 win over Green Bay, 18.02. Dak completed 15 of 27 for 212 and three touchdowns against the Eagles on Monday night, for nobody. Luther Burden caught four for 130 and a touchdown in Chicago’s win over New England on Thursday, 23.7. Puka Nacua caught eight for 68 and a touchdown in the Rams’ 35–21 win at Las Vegas, 21.8. Ashton Jeanty caught eight passes for 61 and a score in the same game, 21.6. Goedert, claimed Wednesday for five dollars with Juwan Johnson cut, is the latest man in a tight end slot that had produced 30.4 points in six weeks; he produced 9.8 in one. Derrick Henry ran 17 times for 45 with Lamar Jackson out, 5.9. Spencer Shrader missed two of three field goals, 3.0. The Browns defense, a one-dollar claim, 5. Josh Jacobs scored a touchdown and 20.1 on the bench behind Henry; Mitch’s best lineup was 144.52.

Mitch is Lucky and Bad, 18–31 against the field, with the third-fewest points in the league, and he has now beaten Drake in Week 7 two years running. The Moth picked Drake, writing that Drake was in bye and injury hell and would probably still win because he was playing Mitch, and so the Moth has picked against himself twice this season and been right once. Mitch plays Jordan next in the Battle of the Bandwagons; Jordan leads 11–8. Drake plays Dite in the War Crimes Cup, which stands at 9–9, between two men who work for the same employer.

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Obliterators vs. Good Ghandi’s

Kyle Scores 171 With a Bench of 2.8 and Wins by 96.86; Jordan Benches 60.8 and Scores 74

Kyle171.18
Jordan74.32
Top scorers

Kyle J. Smith-Njigba 31.3 · J. Burrow 28.88

Jordan C. Stroud 16.52 · T. Kraft 14.8

Left on the bench

Kyle Nothing · best: S. LaPorta 2.8

Jordan 42.5 pts · best: J. Williams 26.1

The matrix

Kyle Lucky & Good

Jordan Lucky & Bad

Moth’s pick

Took KyleHit

Full lineups →

Kyle beat Jordan 171.18 to 74.32, a margin of 96.86 that is the fifth-largest in the ten-year history of the league, three weeks after he set the largest. He is 6–1, first in points by 175, 41–8 against the field, and his 1086.62 through seven weeks is the most anyone has scored at this point in any season; the old mark was his own 1055.60 from 2018, when he was 7–0. Jordan is 2–5 with 905.08 points, which is the most any 2–5 team has ever scored, and leads the series 11–10. ESPN has scheduled this game in Week 7 every year since 2021, and this is the first time it has been over by the early window.

Kyle’s lineup was perfect, which the template defines as every starter outscoring every reserve, and which Kyle achieved by leaving almost nothing on the reserve. Sam LaPorta caught one pass for 18 yards, 2.8. James Cook, Jayden Daniels, Trevor Lawrence and Parker Washington were on bye and Kyle Monangai did not play, so the bench scored 2.8 and the starters scored the rest. Joe Burrow completed 22 of 30 for 292 yards and four touchdowns in Cincinnati’s 35–13 win at Baltimore, 28.88. Jaxon Smith-Njigba caught nine for 150 and a touchdown in Seattle’s 20–3 win over Kansas City on Sunday night, 31.3, the best score in the league this week. Trey McBride caught ten for 111 and a score, 27.1. Amon-Ra St. Brown caught nine for 153, 24.2. Bucky Irving ran 24 times for 106 and two touchdowns in Tampa Bay’s 43–13 rout of Carolina, 24.0. D’Andre Swift ran for 78 and a touchdown on Thursday night, 19.0. Jason Myers 8. The Broncos defense 3. Germie Bernard, claimed on Wednesday for forty dollars, the largest waiver bid of the season, caught three passes for 27 yards, 5.7, and the other eight starters scored 165.48. It is Kyle’s fourth score of 170 or more this season, which ties the single-season record, also his, from 2021, with ten weeks to play. The four best scores in the league this year are all his.

Jordan scored 74.32, the lowest total in the league this week and the third-lowest of his career, and left 60.8 on his bench. Josh Allen was on bye, so on Wednesday Jordan signed C.J. Stroud and cut Emanuel Wilson to make room; Stroud completed 17 of 28 for 153 yards and two touchdowns in the Texans’ overtime loss to the Giants, 16.52, and Wilson ran 24 times for 100 yards and a touchdown for Seattle on Sunday night, for nobody. Jameson Williams caught five for 91 and two touchdowns in Detroit’s 20–17 win over Green Bay, 26.1, the third-best receiver score in the league, on Jordan’s bench. Cam Skattebo ran 17 times for 124 and a touchdown in the same game Stroud lost, 19.1, on the bench. Jaylen Waddle caught four for 48, 8.8, on the bench. In the lineup: Nico Collins caught two passes for six yards, 2.6; Denzel Boston, whose promotion over DeVonta Smith cost Jordan the Week 6 game, caught three of eight targets for 27 yards, 5.7; Isaiah Likely, the top tight end in the league two weeks running before this, caught two for 12, 3.2; the Jets defense, claimed Wednesday, allowed 28 to Malik Willis and scored 0. Tucker Kraft caught a touchdown, 14.8. Will Reichard, a five-dollar claim, kicked three field goals, 12.0. Kenneth Walker 9.7, Chase Brown 9.8.

Late on Saturday night Jordan moved DeVonta Smith to injured reserve and Boston into the lineup, so the one decision from Week 6 the Tribune had flagged was repeated with the other man unavailable. His best lineup was 116.82, which loses by 54.36, and so for once there is no lineup story; the loss was on the field. Jordan has the third-most points in the league and the most points allowed, 1005.54, which is the fifth-most anyone has given up through seven weeks. He is 26–23 against the field, Unlucky and Good, and his second 0–7 week of the season puts him seventh in the standings with a roster that has outscored five of the six teams above him. The one Week 6 Coaches Poll ballot in by Sunday, Dite’s, ranked him second in the league.

Kyle has allowed 705.70 points, the fewest in the league, and has now benched 444.0 for the season, which was the most in the league until Dite passed him on Sunday. The Moth picked Kyle, and wrote that if fantasy had a sense of humor Bernard would catch two passes for 18 yards; he caught three for 27. Kyle plays Cliff next in Pronamel vs. Power Rankings, a series he leads 11–8. Jordan plays Mitch in the second Battle of the Bandwagons; Jordan leads that series 11–8, Mitch won the first meeting in Week 1, and both men’s Patriots lost on Thursday night to a quarterback on Carl’s bench.

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Sanjay’s Warriors vs. Tin Man

Cliff Signs a Tight End on Sunday Morning and Wins; Carl Benches the Super Bowl Champions, Caleb Williams and Ollie Gordon, and Loses With 39 Points to Spare

Cliff120.14
Carl106.46
Top scorers

Cliff D. Maye 27.44 · B. Allen 19.4

Carl C. Loveland 19.9 · M. Nabers 18.1

Left on the bench

Cliff 4.2 pts · best: R. Odunze 10.9

Carl 38.96 pts · best: C. Williams 22.12

Carl’s best lineup wins this game.

The matrix

Cliff Lucky & Bad

Carl Unlucky & Bad

Moth’s pick

Took CliffHit

Full lineups →

Cliff beat Carl 120.14 to 106.46 and is 3–4, out of last place in the standings and still last in points, all-play and points allowed. Carl is 3–4, and for the first time this season he lost a game with a winning lineup on his roster; his best lineup was 145.42, which beats Cliff by 25, and he scored 106.46, which loses by 13.68. He was the only owner in the league without one of these, and he leads the series 12–8.

Cliff’s week was a running back and tight end carousel that ended, for once, with the right men on the field. He had cut David Montgomery for Woody Marks in Week 6 and cut Marks two days later; this week he signed Montgomery on Wednesday, cut him for Marks on Thursday, started Marks on Sunday morning and benched him for Braelon Allen before the early games. Allen ran 17 times for 104 yards and caught six for 30 in the Jets’ loss to Miami, 19.4; Marks ran for 66 on the bench, 9.1. He had cut T.J. Hockenson in Week 6 as well, and on Sunday morning he signed him again and started him over Travis Kelce, the four-dollar man of the week before; Hockenson caught four for 35 and a touchdown, 13.5, and Kelce caught four for 44 on the bench, 8.4. Drake Maye completed 24 of 31 for 321 yards and two touchdowns and ran for a third in the Patriots’ 30–24 loss at Chicago on Thursday, 27.44, the second-best quarterback score in the league; Bryce Young, on the bench, threw two interceptions and lost a fumble in the 43–13 loss to Tampa Bay, 5.42, so the quarterback call was right by 22. Jahmyr Gibbs ran 29 times for 116 and caught five for 27 with a lost fumble, 17.3. Christian Watson caught five for 57 in the Packers’ loss at Detroit, 10.7. The Steelers defense held New Orleans to ten in Paris, 9. Tyler Loop 7. A.J. Brown caught three for 48 for New England, 7.8, and Tetairoa McMillan four for 40, 8.0. Rome Odunze scored 10.9 on the bench, so the best lineup was 124.34 and the one he used was close enough.

Carl’s best lineup was 145.42 and the 38.96 he left on the bench is a list of men he knows well. Caleb Williams completed 22 of 33 for 308 yards and two touchdowns in Chicago’s win over New England, 22.12, on the bench for the second week in a row behind Jordan Love, who completed 27 of 45 for 274, two touchdowns and an interception in the Packers’ 20–17 loss at Detroit, 16.96. Ollie Gordon ran 25 times for 103 and a touchdown in Miami’s win at the Jets, 17.3, on the bench, because Carl moved him out before the early games to start Saquon Barkley, who ran seven times for 62 and a touchdown on Monday night, 15.1. George Pickens caught a touchdown on Monday night, 15.7, on the bench behind Garrett Wilson, who caught two for 26, 4.6. The Seahawks defense, which Carl drafted at pick 101 and which held Kansas City to three points on Sunday night, scored 9 on the bench, because on Thursday night Carl signed the Titans defense and started it instead; the Titans allowed 27 and 491 yards to Cleveland and scored 0. Kaelon Black scored a touchdown, 10.9, on the bench. Aaron Jones ran eight times for 26 in the lineup, 3.6. The men who did play well were the usual ones. Colston Loveland caught seven of twelve targets for 69 and a touchdown, 19.9. Malik Nabers caught seven for 111, 18.1. Ja’Marr Chase caught a touchdown from Burrow, 17.2. Ka’imi Fairbairn 11.

The Moth had written that Carl’s running back room would decide the game even if Nabers scored 25, and that is what happened, with the room on the bench. Carl also claimed Emmett Johnson on Wednesday for one dollar, the man Dite signed and cut inside a day in Week 6, and bid eleven dollars on Germie Bernard, which failed because Kyle bid forty. Carl is 20–29 against the field and Lucky and Bad, with 817.06 points, the second-fewest in the league. Cliff is 15–34 against the field, last, with 815.14 points, the fewest, and has allowed 955.24, the second-most, and is Lucky and Bad with a win.

The Moth picked Cliff and was right. Cliff plays Kyle next in Pronamel vs. Power Rankings, and trails that series 8–11; Kyle has scored 170 or more in four of seven weeks. Carl plays Thomas, who beat him in Week 1, and who has started a running back Kyle cut in October to 36.5 points.

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The Bench Desk

Seven Teams Bench 348 Points; Kyle Benches 2.8 and Scores 171

Dite left 81 on the bench and lost by 47. Carl left 39 and lost by 14. Drake left 22.5 and lost by 8.40. Jordan left 61 and it would not have mattered. Kyle left a man with one catch.

The league benched 347.9 points this week, not counting Kyle, who benched 2.8, and the distribution was not even. Dite left 81.2 on his, the most in the league this week and his high for the season: Quinshon Judkins ran 17 times for 96 yards and two touchdowns in Cleveland’s win at Tennessee, 23.4; Blake Corum ran for 93 and a touchdown for the Rams, 17.1; Jaylen Warren ran for 101 in Paris and caught three for 36, 16.7; Devaughn Vele caught a touchdown, 16.4; DK Metcalf caught two for 56, 7.6. In the slots those men could have filled, Matthew Golden caught six of twelve targets for 39 yards, 9.9, and Jalen Coker caught one pass for nine, 1.9. Dite has now left 466.8 points unused this season, which passed Kyle’s 444.0 on Sunday for the most in the league, and he is 4–3, and Kyle is 6–1, and the paper has stopped drawing the conclusion it drew in September.

Carl’s 78.72 was the second-most, and unlike Dite’s it decided the game. Caleb Williams threw for 308 and two touchdowns against New England on Thursday, 22.12, on the bench behind Jordan Love for the second straight week; Love threw for 274 and lost at Detroit, 16.96. Ollie Gordon ran for 103 and a touchdown, 17.3, on the bench because Carl moved him out before the early games to start Saquon Barkley, who scored 15.1 on Monday night. George Pickens caught a touchdown on Monday night, 15.7, behind Garrett Wilson’s two catches for 26. The Seahawks defense, drafted by Carl at pick 101 in August, held Kansas City to three points and scored 9 on the bench, because Carl had signed the Titans defense on Thursday night and started it, and the Titans allowed 491 yards and 27 points and scored 0. Carl lost by 13.68. His best lineup was 145.42, which wins by 25, and he had been the only owner in the league who had not yet lost a game that way.

Drake’s bench was 22.5, all of it Omar Cooper, claimed Wednesday for nothing, who caught five for 115 and a touchdown for the Jets, and that was enough, because Drake lost by 8.40 with Michael Wilson at 10.6 and Justin Jefferson at 8.4 in the slots Cooper could have had. It is the third time this season the points to win were on the Emporium’s bench, and the other two were Weeks 2 and 3, so Drake has now done it with a full bench, a thin bench and a bench of one. Jordan’s 60.8, Jameson Williams’s two touchdowns and Skattebo’s 124 yards, loses by 54 in any arrangement. Thomas benched Rhamondre Stevenson’s 22.5 and was right to, because Tee Higgins scored 26.8 in his place. Mitch benched Josh Jacobs’s 20.1 behind Derrick Henry’s 5.9 and won anyway. Cliff benched 33.82 and got the two calls he made on Sunday morning right. Kyle benched Sam LaPorta’s one catch for 18 yards and five men on bye, so the template called his lineup perfect, and it was, in the way a man with one key cannot pick the wrong one.

The Waiver Desk

Kyle Pays $40 for Three Catches; Jordan Cuts a Man Who Runs for 100; Mitch Cuts Dak for Goff and Dak Throws Three

Released this week, scored anyway: act four. Also the largest claim of the season, four failed bids under it, and the Tyreek Hill who was an Emporium employee for a day.

On Tuesday Kyle placed a forty-dollar waiver claim on Germie Bernard, a Pittsburgh receiver the Moth described on Thursday as a guy none of us had ever heard of three weeks ago, with Ladd McConkey as the cut. It ran Wednesday morning and it is the largest claim of the season; the old high was Drake’s thirty for Michael Wilson in September. Underneath it, Jordan bid seventeen with Denzel Boston as the cut, Carl bid eleven, Drake bid five and Mitch bid four, 37 dollars between the four of them, and all four claims failed when Kyle’s went through. Kyle moved Bernard into the lineup on Wednesday and to the second receiver slot on Friday. Bernard caught three passes for 27 yards in the Steelers’ win in Paris, 5.7, which the Moth had forecast as two catches for 18, and the other eight starters scored 165.48, so the paper can report that Kyle has now spent 44 dollars this season, forty of them on one man, and leads the league by 175 points. McConkey went to Drake on Thursday for nothing; Drake traded him to Kyle in September.

Jordan’s week was the mirror of Kyle’s. With Josh Allen on bye he signed C.J. Stroud on Wednesday and cut Emanuel Wilson, the Seattle running back he had claimed for nineteen dollars in Week 5 after Mitch cut him. Stroud completed 17 of 28 for 153 yards and two touchdowns in the Texans’ overtime loss to the Giants, 16.52. Wilson ran 24 times for 100 yards and a touchdown in Seattle’s win over Kansas City on Sunday night, as a free agent. Jordan also claimed Will Reichard for five dollars, outbidding Dite’s three, and Reichard kicked three field goals, 12.0; and the Jets defense for nothing, which Dite had also bid on, and which scored nothing. Mitch claimed Jared Goff for eight dollars, a week after Carl cut Goff because Goff was on bye, and cut Dak Prescott to make the room. Goff threw for 303 and two touchdowns and beat the Packers on a last-play field goal, 18.02. Dak threw three touchdowns against the Eagles on Monday night, for nobody, while Mitch was winning by 8.40 with Goff, so this one goes in the ledger as correct and lucky, which is Mitch’s quadrant.

Drake cut the Ravens defense, Terry McLaurin and Pat Freiermuth on Tuesday, claimed Omar Cooper and Tyreek Hill on Wednesday, the Hill he drafted at 116 in August and cut in Week 5, and cut Hill for Michael Mayer on Thursday, so Hill was an Emporium employee for about a day the second time, and Cooper, the one that worked, scored 22.5 on the bench. Dite made five claims on Wednesday and landed two, Matt Gay for Tyler Bass, the kicker he had cut Travis Kelce for seven days earlier, and the Texans defense for the six-dollar Patriots defense, both free; Gay made three of four, 8.0, and the Texans scored 0. Cliff signed David Montgomery on Wednesday and cut him for Woody Marks on Thursday, which reversed what he did in Week 6, then signed T.J. Hockenson on Sunday morning, whom he had cut in Week 6, and Hockenson scored a touchdown in the lineup ahead of Kelce. Carl claimed Emmett Johnson for a dollar, the man Dite signed and cut inside a day in Week 6, and signed the Titans defense on Thursday night, which has been covered. Thomas signed the Packers defense and cut the Rams, his fifth defense of the season; the Packers allowed 415 yards and scored 2. Drake has spent 78 dollars this season and is in last place. Kyle has spent 44 and is first. The Tribune prints the two numbers next to each other every week and notes that this week the gap closed by forty.

The Quarterback Desk, Act Three

Thomas Gets One Right; Carl Gets the Same One Wrong Twice

The Shough–Mahomes ledger closes at one correct call in five weeks. Caleb Williams has thrown for 613 yards on Carl’s bench in two weeks behind Jordan Love.

On Sunday morning Thomas Ley movedTyler Shough back into his lineup and Patrick Mahomes to his bench, a week after he had done the opposite and watched Shough score 27 from the bench. Shough completed 30 of 38 for 278 yards, a touchdown and an interception in the Saints’ 16–10 loss to Pittsburgh in Paris, the first regular-season game in France, 13.82. Mahomes completed 19 of 33 for 165 yards, no touchdowns and an interception in Kansas City’s 20–3 loss at Seattle, 6.0. Thomas was right by 7.82. The ledger since he paid 37 dollars for the two of them in Week 3: wrong by eight, wrong by one, no choice, wrong by sixteen, right by eight. He won by 47 and is 5–2, so the desk records that the first correct quarterback decision of the Memorial era arrived in a game that did not need it, which is how these things arrive.

Carl made the same decision as last week and got the same result. Caleb Williams, who completed 30 of 36 for 305 on Carl’s bench in Week 6, completed 22 of 33 for 308 yards and two touchdowns in Chicago’s 30–24 win over New England on Thursday night, 22.12, on Carl’s bench. Jordan Love, the ten-dollar claim of Week 6, completed 27 of 45 for 274 yards, two touchdowns and an interception in the Packers’ 20–17 loss at Detroit, 16.96, in the lineup. Williams has now thrown for 613 yards and four touchdowns on Carl’s bench in two weeks and has outscored Love by 8.9 over the same two, and Carl has lost both games, this one by 13.68 with a lineup on the roster that wins by 25. Cliff, who drafted Williams’s opponent, started Drake Maye over Bryce Young for the third week and was right by 22; Maye threw for 321 and three scores, 27.44, and Young threw two interceptions and lost a fumble in a 30-point loss, 5.42. Cliff has been right at quarterback three weeks running and has one win to show for it, which is the Cliff experience in one sentence.

Elsewhere the decisions were made by the bye. Jordan started Stroud with Allen out, 16.52, and the choice was between Stroud and nothing. Kyle started Burrow with Daniels and Lawrence both on bye, 28.88 on four touchdowns, and for the first time in three weeks the Obliterators did not bench their best quarterback, because they could not. Mitch started Goff over the Dak he cut, 18.02 to a Dak who scored for nobody on Monday night, which has been covered. Dite started Stafford, who threw three touchdowns to set the Rams’ franchise record, 17.5, with Lamar Jackson moved from injured reserve to the bench on Tuesday and not playing. Drake started Brock Purdy, who threw two interceptions in San Francisco’s first loss of the season, 12.02, and had nobody else to start, which for Drake is the safest arrangement. Eight quarterbacks started; six were the right ones; the two that were not belong to the two men who finished the week in the bottom half with a winning lineup on the bench.

Game Balls

And the Other Kind

High scoreKyle, 171.18. Burrow four touchdowns, Smith-Njigba 150 and a score, McBride 111 and a score, St. Brown 153, Irving two touchdowns. The bench scored 2.8. His fourth score of 170 or more this season, which ties the single-season record, his own, in Week 7.171.18
Low scoreJordan, 74.32. The third-lowest score of his career. Collins caught two passes for six yards, Boston three for 27, Likely two for 12, and the Jets defense allowed 28 to Malik Willis. Jameson Williams scored 26.1 on the bench.74.32
PlayerTony Pollard, Thomas. 25 carries, 129 yards, three touchdowns, and three catches for 26 in the Titans’ loss to Cleveland, 36.5. Kyle cut him on October 1. Thomas signed him three days later.36.5
Waiver addBraelon Allen, Cliff. Claimed for four dollars in Week 5 after Carl cut him, 104 yards and six catches against Miami, 19.4, in the slot Woody Marks had been in on Sunday morning. Jared Goff, eight dollars to Mitch, beat the Packers for 18.02 the week after Carl cut him.19.4
DefenseVikings, Drake. Four sacks and an interception, Indianapolis held to ten, 11, in a game Drake lost by 8.40 with Omar Cooper’s 22.5 on the bench. The three defenses that scored zero were started by Carl, Jordan and Dite.11.0
Bench regretDite. Judkins 23.4 with two touchdowns, Corum 17.1, Warren 16.7, Vele 16.4, Metcalf 7.6: 81.2 points, the most in the league this week, in a loss by 47. He has benched 466.8 this season and passed Kyle for the lead.42.5
Benched a winCarl and Drake. Carl benched Caleb Williams, Ollie Gordon, George Pickens and the Seahawks defense, 38.96 unused in a 13.68 loss; his best lineup wins by 25. Drake benched Omar Cooper’s 22.5 behind Michael Wilson and Justin Jefferson and lost by 8.40 on Monday night. It is Drake’s third such loss and Carl’s first.2
Worst startThree starting defenses scored zero: the Titans for Carl, signed Thursday night and started over the Seahawks, who scored 9 on his bench; the Jets for Jordan, claimed Wednesday; the Texans for Dite, claimed Wednesday for nothing after he cut the six-dollar Patriots. The Packers scored 2 for Thomas. Four starting defenses, two points.0.0
Records Watch

The Book, Since 2017

1086.62Kyle’s points through seven weeks, the most in league history. The old mark was his own 1055.60 from 2018, when he was 7–0. He has done it with 444.0 on the bench and 705.70 allowed, the fewest in the league.
96.86Kyle over Jordan, the fifth-largest margin in the league’s ten seasons. Kyle has two of the five largest, 152.06 over Thomas and this one, three weeks apart. Jordan’s best lineup loses by 54.
171.18Kyle’s fourth score of 170 or more this season, which ties the single-season record, also his, from 2021, with ten weeks to play. The four best scores in the league this year are his, and nobody else has reached 167.
905.08Jordan, the most points ever by a 2–5 team; Kyle’s 898.92 in 2020 is the old mark. He has also allowed 1005.54, the most in the league and the fifth-most anyone has given up through seven weeks.
12Games lost this season by a team whose best lineup would have won. Drake and Jordan have three each; Carl got his first on Sunday with 38.96 on the bench, and he had been the only man without one.
466.8Dite’s bench points for the season, now the most in the league, 22.8 ahead of Kyle. This week’s 81.2 was his high. The two men leading the league in points not used are a combined 10–4.
5–2Thomas, the best start through seven weeks in the ten seasons of the franchise; Rob never did better than 4–3. His 865.52 points are the fourth-fewest ever by a 5–2 team, and the matrix has him Lucky and Good in second place, with the most luck in the league.
The full record book →
Standings After Week 7
TeamW–LPFPAStrkMove
Kyle6–11,086.62705.70W3—
Thomas5–2865.52892.92W2▲1
Dite4–3911.98895.48L1▼1
Mitch3–4827.48844.16W1▲3
Carl3–4817.06839.34L2▼1
Cliff3–4815.14955.24W1▲2
Jordan2–5905.081,005.54L3▼2
Drake2–5843.58934.08L1▼2
Week 8
Jordanvs.Mitch
Jordan leads 11–8
Thomasvs.Carl
Thomas leads 1–0
Cliffvs.Kyle
Kyle leads 11–8
Drakevs.Dite
Series tied 9–9

The publisher of this newspaper scored 171 and the paper is obliged to print it. The commissioner is in last place, and his rankings desk has been dark since Week 3; the Tribune has sent a candle. Corrections will run next week, by a man with a defense.

The Sandusky Tribune is published at the solstice and whenever the league gives it reason. All quotations are real. All grievances are eternal. Maintained under the watchful eye of Jerry Sandusky.