Second Place on LinkedIn, Seventh in the Standings: Jordan Scores 74 and Loses by 97
Jordan Israelsen signed a quarterback on Wednesday, cut a running back who ran for a hundred yards and a touchdown for nobody, left two Jameson Williams touchdowns and a 124-yard Cam Skattebo on his bench, scored 74.32, and lost to Kyle 171.18 to 74.32, the fifth-largest margin in league history, in the same week his Patriots lost to a quarterback on Carl’s bench. Kyle set a perfect lineup by owning almost nobody who played, has the most points through seven weeks anyone has ever had, and paid forty dollars for three catches. Drake is in last place. Thomas Lei is in second, with the right quarterback. Dite benched 81.
Across: luck Δ, your real win % minus your all-play win %, so right of center means the schedule did you favors. Up: all-play win %, how often your score would have beaten the field. Dashed lines mark break-even luck and a .500 all-play record.
Biggest mover: Thomas, from 4th to 2nd in all-play.
Jordan finished second in a LinkedIn contest this month, for fifteen hundred dollars and a grievance about the follower handicap, and he is second on the only Coaches Poll ballot filed this week, and he is seventh in the standings, and this was the week the league explained the gap. His career epigraph on the league site is a question, Pats run the division?, and on Thursday night New England lost at Chicago to Caleb Williams, who threw for 308 yards on Carl’s bench. On Sunday Jordan scored 74.32, the lowest total in the league this week and the third-lowest of his career, and lost to Kyle by 96.86, which is the fifth-largest margin in the ten years of the league and the second-largest this month, both of them Kyle’s. Josh Allen was on bye, so on Wednesday Jordan signed C.J. Stroud and cut Emanuel Wilson to do it; Stroud threw for 153 yards, 16.52, and Wilson ran for 100 and a touchdown for Seattle on Sunday night, for nobody. Jameson Williams caught two touchdowns against Green Bay, 26.1, on Jordan’s bench. Cam Skattebo ran for 124 and a touchdown, 19.1, on Jordan’s bench. Nico Collins caught two passes for six yards in the lineup, and Denzel Boston, whose promotion cost Jordan the Week 6 game, caught three for 27 in the lineup, and the Jets defense, signed Wednesday, allowed 28 to Malik Willis and scored nothing. Late on Saturday night Jordan moved DeVonta Smith to injured reserve, and Boston in, so the one call the Tribune flagged last week was made again with the other man unavailable to be benched. His best lineup was 116.82. It loses by 54.
He is 2–5, which no team with 905.08 points has ever been; the previous most by a 2–5 team was 898.92, Kyle’s, in 2020, and Kyle finished that season last. Jordan is third in the league in points and seventh in the standings and has allowed 1005.54, the most in the league, because he has played Kyle, Dite, Mitch, Drake and Carl in the weeks they scored, and he goes to Mitch next in the Battle of the Bandwagons, the second meeting of the league’s two Patriots fans, a week after both their Patriots lost. The ballot that has him second is Dite’s. Kyle, for the record, scored 171.18 with a bench of 2.8, because LaPorta caught one pass and everyone else on it was on bye, which the template calls a perfect lineup and the paper calls a schedule. Joe Burrow threw four touchdowns at Baltimore, Jaxon Smith-Njigba caught nine for 150 and a score against the Chiefs, Trey McBride caught ten for 111 and a score, Amon-Ra St. Brown caught nine for 153, Bucky Irving ran for two touchdowns, and Germie Bernard, claimed Wednesday for forty dollars, the largest bid of the season, over four other men who bid 37 between them, caught three passes for 27 yards. Kyle is 6–1 on 1086.62 points, the most through seven weeks in league history, 31 more than his own 7–0 team of 2018 had, and 41–8 against the field. He owns the four best scores of the season and has scored 170 or more four times, which ties the single-season record, also his, in Week 7.
Drake is in last place. He was ranked first in August, by himself, and he is 2–5 in October, the worst start of his career, shared with 2021 and 2025, and he got there on Monday night, leading Mitch 121.92 to 99.02 with Brandon Aubrey against Dallas Goedert and Javonte Williams. Aubrey made three field goals and three extra points, 14.0. Williams ran for 155 and a touchdown, 21.5, and Goedert caught five for 48, 9.8, and Mitch won 130.32 to 121.92. The points to win were on Drake’s bench for the third time this season: Omar Cooper, claimed Wednesday for nothing, caught five for 115 and a touchdown for the Jets, 22.5, behind Michael Wilson’s 10.6 and Justin Jefferson’s 8.4. Start Cooper over either and the Emporium is 3–4. Drake has the fifth-most points in the league and the fifth-best all-play record and is eighth in the standings, which is what the matrix is for, and his rankings desk has been dark since Week 3, so the Tribune cannot report where he has himself this week. Mitch got there by claiming Jared Goff for eight dollars, a week after Carl cut Goff for being on bye, and cutting Dak Prescott to make room; Goff beat the Packers, 18.02, and Dak threw three touchdowns on Monday night for nobody. Goedert, five dollars, is the latest tight end in a slot that had produced 30.4 points in six weeks. Mitch is 3–4 and has beaten Drake in Week 7 two years running; the series is 8–8.
Thomas Lea is 5–2 and alone in second, which is the best seven-week start in the ten-year history of the franchise, and he did it with the right quarterback, which took until Week 7. On Sunday morning he moved Tyler Shough back in and Patrick Mahomes out; Shough threw for 278 in Paris, 13.82, and Mahomes threw for 165 and no touchdowns in a 20–3 loss at Seattle, 6.0, so the ledger reads wrong by eight, wrong by one, no choice, wrong by sixteen, right by 7.82. Tony Pollard, whom Kyle cut in October, ran for 129 and three touchdowns, 36.5, the best running back score in the league this week. Tee Higgins caught six for 148 and a touchdown in the flex. CeeDee Lamb caught two touchdowns on Monday night. Thomas beat Dite 152.92 to 105.50, and Dite, who had won four in a row, left 81.2 points on his bench, the most in the league this week: Quinshon Judkins ran for 96 and two touchdowns behind Matthew Golden’s six catches for 39 in the flex, Blake Corum, Jaylen Warren and Devaughn Vele scored 50.2 between them behind Jalen Coker’s one catch for nine, and his best lineup, 133.50, loses by 19 anyway. Dite has now benched 466.8 points this season, which passed Kyle for the most in the league, and the two of them are 10–4. Dite’s Wednesday waivers: five claims, two landed, both free, one of them a Texans defense that scored zero. He is 4–3 and still Lucky and Good, by 4.1 points of luck, which a 47-point loss did not spend. Thomas, 5–2, second place, 865.52 points, is Lucky and Good with 14.3 points of luck, the most in the league, which is a matter the Tribune has referred to Thomas.
Cliff beat Carl 120.14 to 106.46 with a tight end he signed on Sunday morning, T.J. Hockenson, who caught a touchdown over Travis Kelce, and a running back he benched before the early games, Woody Marks, for Braelon Allen, who ran for 104; Cliff has now signed Marks twice, signed Hockenson twice and cut David Montgomery twice in eleven days, and this was the week the music stopped with the right men sitting. Drake Maye threw for 321 and three scores on Thursday night, 27.44. Carl had a lineup that beats Cliff by 25 and did not use it, for the first time this season: Caleb Williams, 22.12, sat behind Jordan Love for the second week in a row; Ollie Gordon, 17.3, was moved out on Sunday for Saquon Barkley; George Pickens, 15.7, sat behind Garrett Wilson’s two catches; and the Seahawks defense, which Carl drafted, which won the Super Bowl, and which held Kansas City to three points, scored 9 on the bench because Carl had signed the Titans defense on Thursday night and started it, and the Titans allowed 491 yards and scored 0. Three starting defenses scored zero this week, Carl’s, Jordan’s and Dite’s, and Thomas’s Packers scored 2, and the Tribune, which once ran a Defense Desk, has closed it. Everybody but Kyle and Thomas is 4–3, 3–4 or 2–5. The Moth went 2–2 and picked against himself for the second time, and was wrong this time, which is the better outcome.
